Out of curiosity, what thermostats were used for that large of a heating/cooling system?
What pool controller do you have?
What model of video doorbell do you have?
Sorry for your experience, most, if not all, of your complaints would change if you found a dealer and professional you trusted.
If I had that big of a house, I think I'd have more important things to do than tinker with my smart system and would be hiring it out to someone I trust even though I am very technical and could do it myself. Time is limited, so it should be spent wisely.